Do you ever feel as if you don’t fit in?
I’m sure you can think of at least one occasion (if you’re lucky). It’s something we all feel at some point in our lives.
Recently, I realized that the majority of my clients have one thing in common with each other. And this is something which they also have in common with me. That is, for one reason or another, they’ve not had the chance to develop their own style.
Our family, social class, religion, etc. has a lot to do with how we present ourselves to the world. There's a huge external pressure that comes from society but what's even more challenging is when your family puts that pressure on you.
This is definitely something I experienced growing up.
I was made to feel that being girly or feminine was a bad thing, and I should just be strong and smart and "badass".
And I believed this for a really long time!
It's easy to be influenced by these “stories” that are not even ours originally, yet have had such a massive impact on our belief system that they feel as if they are part of our truth.
What is ‘style’?
Personal style goes way beyond fashion, appearance or clothes. It’s a combination of the way you dress, talk, move, live and interact with others. It’s the way you present yourself to the world based on your thoughts, emotions, values, beliefs and interests.
It’s all about self- expression - whether you’re intentional about it or not.
Everything on the outside is a reflection of who you are and how you feel on the inside. Your insecurities, your hopes, your desires and your fears are all showcased through your style, and you cannot deny or hide from it. The more you try to hide, the more it will show in your presence.
Self- expression is an art and it can open many doors for you if you learn to master it.
Our fear of honestly expressing who we are is are often based on deeply rooted beliefs. Were you told how you should look, live or think as a child? Those messages are what formed your belief system the most.
And this can cause you problems when it comes to personal style.
Nowadays, when everything is so fast-moving, and we are bombarded with images, stories and books on how we should live our lives. There are guides on how to be a cool mom, a badass entrepreneur, a sexy wife or a marriage-material girlfriend. There’s a “template” for everything, and it can seem that you just need to fill in the blank and, et voilà! - your image, your business and your love life, etc. is solved.
The truth is, until you let go of these false beliefs and reveal your true self, you’ll never really be able to change any area of your life.
Can you live without ever revealing who you really are? Sure, you can survive, but you can rarely thrive. The freedom that comes with self-expression is liberating, exhilarating and soothing at the same time.
Imagine being loved for simply being yourself. Imagine putting on those heels without feeling that you’ll look “too feminine”. Imagine having a luxurious facial just for the sake of pampering yourself. Imagine buying the clothes you really want without feeling guilty about it. Imagine opening your wardrobe and having only things that make you feel like the special and unique woman you are.
Would your life change? Would you be happier? More content? What would that woman do with her life?
Have you spent your life until now conforming to other people’s beliefs about how you should live your life and dress? Do you feel as if you’re following the same path as your parents (because you’ve been told that’s the only or best option), but it’s not making you happy?
Or perhaps you’ve gone the other way. You’re rebelling against how you were brought up. The pretty pink princess is now dressing in frumpy, dark and unflattering clothes because she was fed up of being treated like a doll by her mom when she was a child.
The tomboy who was taught that to care about her appearance and to wear ‘girly’ clothes was silly and vain, now wears the shortest and sexiest clothes she can find and has long blonde hair, despite the fact her outfits do nothing for her figure and her hair would be so much chicer in a shorter style.
But the former princesses and tomboys and the ‘good girls’ who are still trying to please their parents all have one thing in common - they’re not happy.
They kid themselves that their image doesn’t really matter all that much. But deep down they know they’re not living their lives in an authentic way. They’re not being themselves - who they truly are.
And they can continue like this for a while, but then something happens.
They find themselves not being taken seriously at work. A relationship ends or turns sour. They become a mom. They start a business. The gnawing feeling that, despite looking as if they ‘have it all’, they don’t feel as is they do, becomes too strong to ignore.
They know that something needs to change - but they can’t put their finger on what.
But what if, instead of trying to hide who we really are, we embrace it and make our heart and soul the essence of our style?
How would it feel to be feminine, soft and nurturing - and still be successful, loved and accepted?
What if the only opinion you cared about was your own?
If this resonates with you, then let’s talk. I genuinely get it - I’ve been there. I had my own ‘stories’ that tried to keep the real me from shining. And I don’t want you to spend another minute more pretending to be someone you’re not.
Discover how we can work together to break down these stories and find your true authentic style HERE.
Veronika Nemeth is a Personal Branding & (Life)Style Coach, based in Milan, Italy. She works with ambitious businesswomen and female entrepreneurs who have a desire to create a unique & authentic image that enhances both their professional & personal lives.
Veronika’s mission is to empower women to build wildly successful businesses & lives by creating a confident, authentic & stylish personal brand.
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